Friday, December 10, 2010

Paraprosdokian Sentences ((ooc humor))

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re frame or reinterpret the first part.  It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't
 work that way.  So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my father.  Not screaming and terrified like his passengers.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you,. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Why does someone believe you when you say there
 are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

Behind every successful man is his woman.  Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Some cause happiness wherever they go.  Others, whenever they go.

I used to be indecisive.  Now I'm not sure.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the "target".

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


Moose was lost in the vast abyss of SL.  She finally arrived at Dark Den to find it was for sale!   Here moose explains:

Ok, now don't worry none.   It were another Dark Den what wuz fur sale, yep!   Some how I woke up in this here place what said it were dark den but it wasn't our Dark Den  what has Lint in it, Nope!  It were another dark den.  Well I got my typist to take a pic so you could see me in this here other Dark Den so as to prove I wasn't high on no moonshine.

Now this is kinda spooky and I sure hope it ain't a omen of what is to cum later on. 


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Happy Haller ween

Happy haller ween to y'all.  Now i got me sum decorations what i put up around mah Road Kill Kafe and Beer Dillo.  Now we all know that my beer dillo is a lot more cozy than that other Beer Dillo yonder what is gonna have tha Hallerween party but i ain't no spoil sport so i gonna go yonder to that haller ween party with mah witch costume what i got.

Now here is sum pictures what I made of mah haller ween decorations and mah witch costume what i got.

This here is a picture at tha side of my beer dillo what has a spooky lookin grave and this here guy what has a pumpkin on his head.  They is also a ghost flyin over what Missy Lacey added.  Notice also that they is three graves here but dont worry they is just fur decoration since its haller ween and all.

Now this here picture is of a fancy planter what i found what looks like a big skull but is in reality a planter what i put a bannana plant in.   Now it funny that they claim this here is a bannana republick and the only bannana plant in tha whole country is that one ah sticking out of my planter but then they is a lotta funny things going on around this here place.

Now this here is a strange thing what i found what has a mattress and pumpkins and such.  They is also some red stuff on tha mattress and a knife ah stickin in tha thing.  ((this is a fully functional sex bed in case your interested in having a sexual encounter in a spooky graveyard scene))

Now i thought i would just show you sum of tha modern conveniences what have been installed in my beer dillo.  I got me a dish washer and a clothes washer.  Now we ken clean tha dishes and silverware once in a while.

Now y'all have a safe haller ween and reckon i gonna see you at tha haller ween party what they got over yonder at tha other beer dillo what ain't mine.

Friday, September 24, 2010

The New Bill OF Rights ((OOC ))

 The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Aye from GA, USA.

"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more
riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the
blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our
great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain
and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny,
guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters.

We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people
are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill
of NON-Rights."

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or
any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire
them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This
country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone --
not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a
different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably
always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you
stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not
expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives
independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing.
Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly
help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing
generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve
nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional
couch potatoes. (This one is my pet peeve...get an education and go to
work....don't expect everyone else to take care of you!)

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would
be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not
interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people.
If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be
surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others.
If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other
citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock
you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big
screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want
you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but
we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and
vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American
means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way,
is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of
idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where
you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever
you came from! (lastly....)

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history
or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God.
And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any
faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN
GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are
uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!!!!

If you agree, share this with a friend. No, you don't have to, and
nothing tragic will befall you if you don't. I just think it's about
time common sense is allowed to flourish. Sensible people of the
United States speak out because if you do not, who will?
"As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy

rent-free space in your mind." -- Isabelle Holland

Friday, September 3, 2010

Moose and Gera Leave Glint on and Aventure

How dee!  Its me, moose?

Well I opened up ma kafe this mornin and who should be at tha door but Missy Gera.  Yep!  Well she says that the whole story ain't been told yet, Nope!  Seems that Missy Alley Cat and Missy Gera wuz in on tha kidnappin of Missy Cara!  Also she wuz kinda upset and shakey.

I directly gave her sum coffee and we kinda decided it were time ta see what they is ta see on tha outside.  We tried ta get  on one of them murine hello chopters?  But they weren't flyin.  May bee Missy Cara did disband tha murines after all!

Here is a  little bit of the convo what we had:
Gera Heliosense: Hello Moose...can I get a coffee,
please...or is it not open yet?

Tha moose:: right here missy
Tha moose:: coffee pot right there

Gera Heliosense: oh great, thank you

Tha moose:: you look kinda small to be
kidnappin and hauling off missy cara

Gera Heliosense nods slowly:" Yes
but....with Alley...together it worked

Tha moose:: wait. emm you mean that alley wuz
in on it?
Tha moose:: i didnt hear that part

Gera Heliosense looks up to Moose:"
you don't you...I know you had talked to Ally,
it was in the papers

Tha moose:: and she said it wuz all you
Tha moose:: and missy cara said your name got
changed to gera

Gera Heliosense: Yes I know she said that. She said
I did it together with Defiant...but thats not what happened

Tha moose:: you mean alley said that
Tha moose:: cara said you confessed that you
done it

Gera Heliosense: Of course I did it....Alley and I
did it

Tha moose:: emm well alley's involvement wuz
not mentioned any where but since kidnappin aint illegal
reckon it don't make no difference

Gera HeliosenseGera Heliosense nods and sips her
coffee carefully:"

Tha moose:: well reckon i gonna see if i ken
find a boat ta get off this here island fur a spell.

Gera Heliosense: and now everybody also knows that I
was unhappy in love with him..."she blinks:"You will leave

Tha moose:: or maybe get on one of them murine
hello chopters. You wanna go?

Gera Heliosense: go together with you? When do you
wanna leave? and do you really mean for good?"

Tha moose:: emm well i wuz just gonna do some
travel ya know

Gera Heliosense: ah I see...a vacation, Yes,
thats...actually I have been thinking about that too...and
Dunnagh also thinks I should leave Glint behind for a while

Tha moose:: they got this place i went to way
back when what got dancin and such

Gera Heliosense: Yes? Is that the place you told us
about? the place where they prefer bigger girls?

Tha moose:: emm yep it is
Tha moose:: and they is a place what has a

Gera Heliosense: But...would they accept me there? I
really would love to go there

Tha moose:: yep they accept all sizes but you
gotta be wearin sum duds

Gera Heliosense: duds?
Gera Heliosense: whats that?

Tha moose: giggles clothes

 Gera Heliosense: oh okaay...I ..I could go and
chnage into more clothes, I could pack a small suitcase and
then we could see if the helicopters are free

Gera Heliosense: just give me a time when you wanna
meet me

Tha moose:: ok missy

Tha moose:: ok then i get my bag

Gera Heliosense: okay me too and we meet back here
in a moment?

Tha moose:: yeah then we go to tha docks

Gera Heliosense: okay

(hurries of to go packing.  Moose gets her bag and puts on her traveling clothes.  After a while Gera returns and the two head for the docks.  Wearing Shoes!)

Tha moose:: ok lets skee daddle

(they arrive at the docks but no helicopters in sight)
Tha moose:: ok now they never a hello chopter
when you need one

Gera Heliosense: Moose wait a moment, i want to make
a photo of us
(Gera takes a snapshot)


Well I remembered tha raft that I had built frum way back and dragged that rascal out of where I wuz hiding it.  I put her down in tha water and we set sail fur the land of big girls what they call bbworld.

(Moose and Gera board the raft and set sail not sure exactly how they were going to get to BBWorld.  To make a long story short they reached landfall but not at BBworld.)

 Well we sat sail fur yonder and sorta ran into this here island what looked a little spooky. I kinda wasn't sure where we wuz and fur a minute thought we might be at tha pearly gates of heaven since we seen this guy with wings. Turns out he werent no angel though.   We met this guy with tha wings and chatted fur a spell.  this here place is called Lands End and we didn't say around, Nope!  We just got us sum water and went on our way ta tha land of tha big girls!

We arrived at BBWorld tha next day or so.  Kinda hard ta keep track when you is getting tossed around on a raft and the only thing you see besides water is shark fins.  Anyway we made it finally.  The place has changed a lot since my recollection but the folks is still friendly and the music is nice. 

They got this store?  Well it got stuff in my size so I looked myself around fur sum duds ta wear.  Well low and behold they had sum free stuff which is good cuz I don't got a linden ta mah name.  So I loaded up mah bag with sum free clothes including sum lingerie just in case they ever do have a need fur em back home in Lint.

Most of this here place has turned residential since I left and tha prices has gone through the roof.  Don't know who ken afford these here prices.  Well anyway we went to the dance floor what they got and introduced ourselves to the group what was real friendly to us.  Emm there were a few who had ta grope ma boobs and give mah ass a good slap but reckon that happens to me most places I go.  Even in the land of girls like me.

Missy Gera ran into a friend of hers what she knows and is friendly to?  Well, I ain't seen this here guy anywhere around Lint so I figure he a friend frum someplace else.  I think he said his name wuz Hax or sum such.

Anyway gonna get me sum grub and take a nap fur now.  We gonna have more adventure later i reckon.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Moose Investigates The Kidnapping of Cara

Emm, How Dee!  Its me, Moose?

Well i done me sum investigatin on this here kidnappin of Presidente Cara.  Here is a list of tha suspects whut i got.

Suspect 1:  Missy Cara might get off on tha idea of bein nakee in a cell

Suspect 2:  Missy Alley cuz she is jealous of Missy Cara, YEP!  Now that Missy Ava ain't presidente no more she can't get away stuff.  Nope!  She gotta answer to Presidente Cara so I reckon that kinda ticks her off. 

Suspect 3 and 4: Seabreeze and Defiant:  If Missy Seabreeze and Mister Defiant wuz wanting to be together they might want to get Presidente Cara out of the way.

Suspect 5.  Slutling tha demon is suspect cuz she is kinda sweet on Defiant too and might be jealous of  Cara's hold on him.

Suspect 6.  Robin cuz she could get away with it on account of she is cute.

Suspects 7, 8, and 9 would be in this order:  Village Bike, Cookie, Argent which is the three top trouble makers in all of PRG.

Suspect 10.  Tha Hammer but i think he is more interested in the kidnappin and torture of one Alley Cat.

Suspects 11.  Goreans cuz they is no good varmints anyway

Suspects 12   Aliens frum mars what framed Missy Seabreeze and Mister Defiant.  They drugged missy seabreeze and stuffed her in one of them Alien Suites they got fur Halloween.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


Yep!  I been snoopin around ta see what they wuz ta see and I found sum spooky things goin on!

First, they is vandalators running around what broke all the glass yonder at tha beer dillo what they got!   Now here is sum pictures of what I seen.  Look at all tha broke glass what they got there!  Now no buddy seems ta know who done it but they is rumors running around.   Now I dont spread no rumors around what I don't verify so I ain't gonna spread tha rumor that they said missy alley done it.  Nope!  I don't spread no rumors.

Now next I gonna show ya sum spooky buildings what just popped out of tha blue.   They is one cross frum tha horse pistol what looks like a gas station but it ain't got no gas.  Instead it got sum blood stains on tha floor.  Now what kinda gas station has blood stains?

Ok, now if that aint spooky enough?  They got another building behind this here one what has a jail in it!   Yep!  It got bars and everything what a jail has but it aint no jail.  Some real spook stuff goin on. 

Now y'all be careful and if you find them vandalators don't try to apprehend them you self!  Nope!   Leave that to tha trained professionals what we  got. 

See ya next time.

((some help with moose speak:  she calls a hospital a "horse pistol" and she is calling vandals "vandalators".  She also has trouble with pronouncing things with a G so she refers Glint as "Lint"))