Paraprosdokian Sentences ((ooc humor))

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re frame or reinterpret the first part.  It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't
 work that way.  So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my father.  Not screaming and terrified like his passengers.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you,. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Why does someone believe you when you say there
 are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

Behind every successful man is his woman.  Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive
 twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Some cause happiness wherever they go.  Others, whenever they go.

I used to be indecisive.  Now I'm not sure.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the "target".

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

MOOSE FINDS DARK DEN FOR SALE!!

Moose was lost in the vast abyss of SL.  She finally arrived at Dark Den to find it was for sale!   Here moose explains:

Ok, now don't worry none.   It were another Dark Den what wuz fur sale, yep!   Some how I woke up in this here place what said it were dark den but it wasn't our Dark Den  what has Lint in it, Nope!  It were another dark den.  Well I got my typist to take a pic so you could see me in this here other Dark Den so as to prove I wasn't high on no moonshine.

Now this is kinda spooky and I sure hope it ain't a omen of what is to cum later on. 

((SUPPORT DARK DEN OR WHEN YOU TP IN YOU MAY SEE SOMETHING LIKE BLOW:))

Happy Haller ween

Happy haller ween to y'all.  Now i got me sum decorations what i put up around mah Road Kill Kafe and Beer Dillo.  Now we all know that my beer dillo is a lot more cozy than that other Beer Dillo yonder what is gonna have tha Hallerween party but i ain't no spoil sport so i gonna go yonder to that haller ween party with mah witch costume what i got.

Now here is sum pictures what I made of mah haller ween decorations and mah witch costume what i got.

This here is a picture at tha side of my beer dillo what has a spooky lookin grave and this here guy what has a pumpkin on his head.  They is also a ghost flyin over what Missy Lacey added.  Notice also that they is three graves here but dont worry they is just fur decoration since its haller ween and all.

Now this here picture is of a fancy planter what i found what looks like a big skull but is in reality a planter what i put a bannana plant in.   Now it funny that they claim this here is a bannana republick and the only bannana plant in tha whole country is that one ah sticking out of my planter but then they is a lotta funny things going on around this here place.

Now this here is a strange thing what i found what has a mattress and pumpkins and such.  They is also some red stuff on tha mattress and a knife ah stickin in tha thing.  ((this is a fully functional sex bed in case your interested in having a sexual encounter in a spooky graveyard scene))

Now i thought i would just show you sum of tha modern conveniences what have been installed in my beer dillo.  I got me a dish washer and a clothes washer.  Now we ken clean tha dishes and silverware once in a while.

Now y'all have a safe haller ween and reckon i gonna see you at tha haller ween party what they got over yonder at tha other beer dillo what ain't mine.

The New Bill OF Rights ((OOC ))

 The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Aye from GA, USA.

"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more
riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the
blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our
great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain
and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny,
guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters.

We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people
are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill
of NON-Rights."

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or
any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire
them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.





ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This
country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone --
not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a
different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably
always will be.


ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you
stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not
expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives
independently wealthy.


ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing.
Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly
help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing
generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve
nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional
couch potatoes. (This one is my pet peeve...get an education and go to
work....don't expect everyone else to take care of you!)


ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would
be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not
interested in public health care.


ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people.
If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be
surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others.
If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other
citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock
you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big
screen color TV or a life of leisure.


ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want
you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but
we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and
vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.


ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American
means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way,
is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of
idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of
Rights.


ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where
you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever
you came from! (lastly....)


ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history
or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God.
And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any
faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN
GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are
uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!!!!


If you agree, share this with a friend. No, you don't have to, and
nothing tragic will befall you if you don't. I just think it's about
time common sense is allowed to flourish. Sensible people of the
United States speak out because if you do not, who will?

"As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy

rent-free space in your mind." -- Isabelle Holland

Moose and Gera Leave Glint on and Aventure

How dee!  Its me, moose?

Well I opened up ma kafe this mornin and who should be at tha door but Missy Gera.  Yep!  Well she says that the whole story ain't been told yet, Nope!  Seems that Missy Alley Cat and Missy Gera wuz in on tha kidnappin of Missy Cara!  Also she wuz kinda upset and shakey.


I directly gave her sum coffee and we kinda decided it were time ta see what they is ta see on tha outside.  We tried ta get  on one of them murine hello chopters?  But they weren't flyin.  May bee Missy Cara did disband tha murines after all!

Here is a  little bit of the convo what we had:
Gera Heliosense: Hello Moose...can I get a coffee,
please...or is it not open yet?

Tha moose:: right here missy
Tha moose:: coffee pot right there

Gera Heliosense: oh great, thank you

Tha moose:: you look kinda small to be
kidnappin and hauling off missy cara

Gera Heliosense nods slowly:" Yes
but....with Alley...together it worked

Tha moose:: wait. emm you mean that alley wuz
in on it?
Tha moose:: i didnt hear that part

Gera Heliosense looks up to Moose:"
you don't believe...do you...I know you had talked to Ally,
it was in the papers

Tha moose:: and she said it wuz all you
Tha moose:: and missy cara said your name got
changed to gera

Gera Heliosense: Yes I know she said that. She said
I did it together with Defiant...but thats not what happened

Tha moose:: you mean alley said that
Tha moose:: cara said you confessed that you
done it

Gera Heliosense: Of course I did it....Alley and I
did it

Tha moose:: emm well alley's involvement wuz
not mentioned any where but since kidnappin aint illegal
reckon it don't make no difference

Gera HeliosenseGera Heliosense nods and sips her
coffee carefully:"

Tha moose:: well reckon i gonna see if i ken
find a boat ta get off this here island fur a spell.

Gera Heliosense: and now everybody also knows that I
was unhappy in love with him..."she blinks:"You will leave
Glint?"

Tha moose:: or maybe get on one of them murine
hello chopters. You wanna go?

Gera Heliosense: go together with you? When do you
wanna leave? and do you really mean for good?"

Tha moose:: emm well i wuz just gonna do some
travel ya know

Gera Heliosense: ah I see...a vacation, Yes,
thats...actually I have been thinking about that too...and
Dunnagh also thinks I should leave Glint behind for a while

Tha moose:: they got this place i went to way
back when what got dancin and such

Gera Heliosense: Yes? Is that the place you told us
about? the place where they prefer bigger girls?

Tha moose:: emm yep it is
Tha moose:: and they is a place what has a
rodeo

Gera Heliosense: But...would they accept me there? I
really would love to go there

Tha moose:: yep they accept all sizes but you
gotta be wearin sum duds

Gera Heliosense: duds?
Gera Heliosense: whats that?

Tha moose: giggles clothes

 Gera Heliosense: oh okaay...I ..I could go and
chnage into more clothes, I could pack a small suitcase and
then we could see if the helicopters are free

Gera Heliosense: just give me a time when you wanna
meet me

Tha moose:: ok missy

Tha moose:: ok then i get my bag

Gera Heliosense: okay me too and we meet back here
in a moment?

Tha moose:: yeah then we go to tha docks

Gera Heliosense: okay

(hurries of to go packing.  Moose gets her bag and puts on her traveling clothes.  After a while Gera returns and the two head for the docks.  Wearing Shoes!)

Tha moose:: ok lets skee daddle

(they arrive at the docks but no helicopters in sight)
Tha moose:: ok now they never a hello chopter
when you need one

Gera Heliosense: Moose wait a moment, i want to make
a photo of us
(Gera takes a snapshot)

 

Well I remembered tha raft that I had built frum way back and dragged that rascal out of where I wuz hiding it.  I put her down in tha water and we set sail fur the land of big girls what they call bbworld.

(Moose and Gera board the raft and set sail not sure exactly how they were going to get to BBWorld.  To make a long story short they reached landfall but not at BBworld.)

 Well we sat sail fur yonder and sorta ran into this here island what looked a little spooky. I kinda wasn't sure where we wuz and fur a minute thought we might be at tha pearly gates of heaven since we seen this guy with wings. Turns out he werent no angel though.   We met this guy with tha wings and chatted fur a spell.  this here place is called Lands End and we didn't say around, Nope!  We just got us sum water and went on our way ta tha land of tha big girls!

We arrived at BBWorld tha next day or so.  Kinda hard ta keep track when you is getting tossed around on a raft and the only thing you see besides water is shark fins.  Anyway we made it finally.  The place has changed a lot since my recollection but the folks is still friendly and the music is nice. 

They got this store?  Well it got stuff in my size so I looked myself around fur sum duds ta wear.  Well low and behold they had sum free stuff which is good cuz I don't got a linden ta mah name.  So I loaded up mah bag with sum free clothes including sum lingerie just in case they ever do have a need fur em back home in Lint.

Most of this here place has turned residential since I left and tha prices has gone through the roof.  Don't know who ken afford these here prices.  Well anyway we went to the dance floor what they got and introduced ourselves to the group what was real friendly to us.  Emm there were a few who had ta grope ma boobs and give mah ass a good slap but reckon that happens to me most places I go.  Even in the land of girls like me.

Missy Gera ran into a friend of hers what she knows and is friendly to?  Well, I ain't seen this here guy anywhere around Lint so I figure he a friend frum someplace else.  I think he said his name wuz Hax or sum such.

Anyway gonna get me sum grub and take a nap fur now.  We gonna have more adventure later i reckon.

Moose Investigates The Kidnapping of Cara

Emm, How Dee!  Its me, Moose?



Well i done me sum investigatin on this here kidnappin of Presidente Cara.  Here is a list of tha suspects whut i got.

Suspect 1:  Missy Cara might get off on tha idea of bein nakee in a cell

Suspect 2:  Missy Alley cuz she is jealous of Missy Cara, YEP!  Now that Missy Ava ain't presidente no more she can't get away stuff.  Nope!  She gotta answer to Presidente Cara so I reckon that kinda ticks her off. 

Suspect 3 and 4: Seabreeze and Defiant:  If Missy Seabreeze and Mister Defiant wuz wanting to be together they might want to get Presidente Cara out of the way.

Suspect 5.  Slutling tha demon is suspect cuz she is kinda sweet on Defiant too and might be jealous of  Cara's hold on him.

Suspect 6.  Robin cuz she could get away with it on account of she is cute.

Suspects 7, 8, and 9 would be in this order:  Village Bike, Cookie, Argent which is the three top trouble makers in all of PRG.

Suspect 10.  Tha Hammer but i think he is more interested in the kidnappin and torture of one Alley Cat.

Suspects 11.  Goreans cuz they is no good varmints anyway

Suspects 12   Aliens frum mars what framed Missy Seabreeze and Mister Defiant.  They drugged missy seabreeze and stuffed her in one of them Alien Suites they got fur Halloween.

STRANGE GOINS ON HERE IN LINT!!`

Yep!  I been snoopin around ta see what they wuz ta see and I found sum spooky things goin on!

First, they is vandalators running around what broke all the glass yonder at tha beer dillo what they got!   Now here is sum pictures of what I seen.  Look at all tha broke glass what they got there!  Now no buddy seems ta know who done it but they is rumors running around.   Now I dont spread no rumors around what I don't verify so I ain't gonna spread tha rumor that they said missy alley done it.  Nope!  I don't spread no rumors.

Now next I gonna show ya sum spooky buildings what just popped out of tha blue.   They is one cross frum tha horse pistol what looks like a gas station but it ain't got no gas.  Instead it got sum blood stains on tha floor.  Now what kinda gas station has blood stains?

Ok, now if that aint spooky enough?  They got another building behind this here one what has a jail in it!   Yep!  It got bars and everything what a jail has but it aint no jail.  Some real spook stuff goin on. 

Now y'all be careful and if you find them vandalators don't try to apprehend them you self!  Nope!   Leave that to tha trained professionals what we  got. 

See ya next time.

((some help with moose speak:  she calls a hospital a "horse pistol" and she is calling vandals "vandalators".  She also has trouble with pronouncing things with a G so she refers Glint as "Lint"))

Moose On Ava's Baby Shower

Well they gave Missy Ava a baby shower.  Now they weren't no babies there and they weren't no shower neither but I wished her a happy baby shower day anyway.  We didn't sing or nuthin but she got sum swell gifts frum Missy Alley who wuz the one what threw tha party fur Missy Ava.

I also got shot out of a cannon a few times what wuz fun and i got to lay down in the arms of a soft teddy bear what wuz there.  Missy Alley went all out decoratin fur tha party.  Oh! and we wuz allowed ta wear shoes!  Now if that ain't ah special occasion then whut is?

Now they wuz a cake but no buddy sang her happy baby shower day so here goes:  (clears throat)

Happy baby shower day to you,

Happy baby shower day to you,

Happy baby shower day dear Missy Ava,

Happy baby shower day to you.

It wuz right nice of Missy Alley go throw tha party fur Missy Ava and she gave her enough fancy stuff what builds things and such ta rebuild Lint all over.

Moose Announcement: Government Services in Glint

How dee!  Its me Moose?

I found me a fire truck, a police car, and ah garbage truck.   Now you seen tha garbage truck a fore when I wuz after them rats the murines and they hello chopters left around.   Well I been fixin up these here cars and trucks so we ken have sum services here.

Did y'all know i is tha fire chief?  Well reckon I is cuz no buddy tole me different no way.  Well here is a picture of me, moose, with my new service vehicles what i found.  Now i gonna be testing em out a fore they go into use ya know.

Moose Discovers Hospital In Glint

Hello folks its me, Moose?   I wuz doin me  sum walking around and discovered my Road Kill Kafe wuz torn down and that they put up a horse pistol in its place.  Now, it say its an emergency horse pistol what you ken go to if you has an emergency but they is more goin on than meets tha eye.  Yep! 

This horse pistol is SPOOKY!  Oh!  they is all kinds of stuff in there what is spooky.   So....here we go with my see what they is ta see at the spooky horse pistol what I found.

Here is tha first picture what I got.  Now notice behind me they is a truck what they call an ambulance.  Well, it aint no ambulance!  Nope!  Look close and you ken plainly see they aint no lights or siren on tha thing.  You gotta have lights and siren to be an ambulance so it aint no ambulance.

Next to me in tha picture is (pauses and gulps)  a dead body what they got layin out here in tha open fur all ta see.  It covered up with a blood soaked sheet what they got.

On tha first floor they got one of them lavatorys what they do experiments in.  Look at all tha fancy equipment and chemicals what they got down here!  Next, we go upstairs.

Ok, up here they got sum stuff fur examination of girls what is pregnant and all.  I remember this here thing with the green mattress frum when I wuz pregnant with Alex.   It is used ta take a picture of the inside of your tummy and see tha baby.  Kinda spooky how it works but it actually sees inside ya and shows you tha baby!

I dont know what this here blue contraption is but it got writing on it.  Maybe it say what it do, but i ain't sure cuz I cant read.

Well folks, there ya have it.  Yep!  They is a spooky horse pistol here in lint!  Now I gonna rebuild tha Road Kill Kafe sum place soon cuz I know y'all gotta eat and that you love my possum pot pie what I make with my special recepie.

The Honerable Judge Moose Speaks

Hello again its me moose?  Well they went and made me a judge so now im tha honerable judge moose.  I had me my furst trial and they put it in tha paper where I found missy seabreeze guilty and all.   I wuz kinda sad that i had ta to do that to ma neighbor but she did break the law and had ta pay fur it.

Anyways, I closed tha Kajun Kafe and tha hole in tha wall bar but the road kill kafe is open and offering limited menus with my specialty, possum pot pie.  You ken read ma recepie in an earlier log entry what I got.  I had to close down sum enterprises fur when I gotta be a judgin and stuff.  I will still be running the hot dog stand and sushi bar from time to time.

Now they got sum new folks in tha government, which now includes me!   Well we see whut they is ta see about them changes.

Oh!  they is also cummin up with lots of different transportation, fur offocial government business, in Lint, YEP!  They got these birds what you ken ride!  And, with the oil found off shore?  Well we got oil now fur fuel so we is got some vehicles a goin.  Missy Alley got her a big truck, Missy Cara got her a jeep, Missy Ava got her a golf cart. Well me?  OH!  well I got tha garbage truck I done showed ya last time?  Oh!  and I got me a chopper!  No not a hello chopter.  Emm a motor sickle what I fixed up.  I found me a fire truck and police car but they is gonna need a lotta fixin up a fore any buddy ken use em.

Now the fuel and vehicles is only fur official government business at tha present time and any theft of fuel frum tha official government fillin station what we got is illegal and such.  As fur them birds what you ken ride?  Well just ask me and ill give ya tha bird.

Y'all be safe and Ill see ya in Lint.

Moose Says "Hello Chopters and Murines" Brought In Rats and litter!. Vows to Eliminate Rats and Clean Up Glint!

I told ya!

Them murines and they hello chopters is a makin a mess.  Lint is full of rats!  Here is sum pictures of what show them hello chopters and whut they have been bringing into our peaceful paradise what we got!

Here they is!  See!  Them rats is a hoppin off ole Fidel's murine hello chopter like i tole ya!  Yep!  Look at em!  They is millions of em right here in Lint where we live!  Well dont you worry cuz ole moose gonna fix it.

I did a tour and found where them rats nests wuz at and then i got me a garbage truck what i found and got her running so I could go round up them critters!  I got pictures ta show ya how i cleaned up Lint fur ya. 

Here I is talkin to missy majesty about tha rat and litter problem what we got.  There you ken see tha garbage truck what i fixed up fur ta clean up the place.

This is me getting after then rascal rats and a catchen em.  Yep!  I got me a crate and yanked them rats by they tails and threw em in one by one.  Now i might have missed one or two so be careful where ya step in tha dark fur a spell till I get these varments under control.

Now while I wuz grabbing rats I wuz also pickin up tha litter them murines is leavin around.  I think I got most of it but I reckon as long as we got them hello chopters flyin over with litter bugs and rascal rats we gonna have litter and varments!   Now you mark my words!  I tell ya them hello chopters gonna be bringin in tha rats!

Ok I got the litter rats and they litter in tha truck frum over at teh Road Kill Kafe now I is on tha way fur the other nest what they got.  This is me in tha truck a drivin it.  It handles pretty well fur an old heap ya know!

Well here I is on tha other side a cleaning up another rats nest and more litter.  It seems they is a dumping garbage here.  Wish I could read cuz i cant tell if that sign say no dumpin or no parking but anyway I got tha rats and tha litter fur now in ma truck what i got.

Now dont you worry ole moose wont let you down!  Nope!  I gonna clean up this place once and fur all.  OH!  and we got us a new presidente what is named Missy Cara?  Well she is also one of the judges what we got.  Well anyway I reckon I help her clean things up!  Yep!

See ya later!

(mumbles "them pesky murines and they hello chopters")

Moose Investigates "Them Murine Hello Chopters" (thats moose for Marine Helicpoters)

Well folks I is gettin sick and tired of all the noise that them murine hello chopters is a makin yonder in Lint.  Yep!  Now them things fly over ma Road Kill Kafe and Beer Dillo, don't ya see tha problem?  All that noise is a runnin off ma customers.   Err, well at least they would be ah running off ma customers if i had any.

Anyways I got on one of them things so I could see whut they wuz ta see so I is reportin that to ya now.  Here goes.  Oh!  And I got me sum pictures ta show ya of these loud hello chopters what they got.

Here i is waiting on one of them chopters what they got.  Soon one cum by and i jumped on her real quick to see where it wuz goin.

Now tha contraption went straight up!  Well almost.  Anyway it went up up up and over lint where ya could see a fur piece away.

Now here I is flyin over lint purtty as ya please looking down at all they wuz to see.  Well!  This thing went straight fur tha admin building and scared tha be jesus out ah me fur a second till it kinda barely cleared tha roof.  Yep!

Well tha darn thing kept gowing up up and kinda went so high you couldnt see lint no more.   Well it landed in sum funny lookin mall wha they got way up above lint.  Now this mall got sum purtty strange things let me tell you! 

Anyway I decided it best I get back home ta lint so I jumped back on that Hello chopter and skee daddled back.  OH!  and if you go on this thing it gonna have a sign what says dont eat at tha Road Kill Kafe.  Well dont ya believe it cuz sum buddy is just jealous of the fine cuisine what I got.  YEP!  I mean where else is ya gonna find snake on a stick or slap of lab or emm my specialty?  Possum Pot Pie!  Yep!  Cum get ya sum yonder at my kafe what i got. 

See ya next time

How Dee! I Found Me Sum Nifty Exercise Machines What They Got Here!!

I wuz at tha front gate of Lint?  Well they is sum strange goings on there let me tell you.  Now they got these funny looking exercise machines near the gate what is shaped like a big X?  Well I figure they is good fur stretchin ya out so me and Mister Tagg tried one out tha other day and I wanted to show ya how it works. 

Furst you gotta wear these bracelets fur your arms and legs then you get strapped in sorta like you do fur them horizontal beds what I showed you before.  Well then you get strapped in and stretch.  Here is sum pictures of me tryin it out.  As you ken see it also ken help your circulation when sum buddy gives you a few whacks on the bee hind!

Now they got sum other cool exercise stuff yonder at tha boat repair place.  Well that is also where they got them milkers.  Not so sure them milkers is fur fun but I always do my civil duty and get on one when folks ask cuz lord knows they need tha milk fur all these babies bein born and such.

One thing i ain't got figured is whut this here round thing right by tha gate  do?   Well you strap in to this round looking thing and sorta spin around.  I reckon it more of an amusement ride than a exercise machine?  Well it kinda made me dizzy but it wuz kinda fun...well sorta. OH!  car ful cuz these is like them horizontal beds!  YEP!  You get stuck in them things you gonna need help gettin out!  So best try em out with sum buddy what ken get you loose!

Well, emm they is sum new stuff in these parts what I gonna show ya later.  Yep!  They got oil now! and they got one of them service stations yonder by the admin building. I take you there to have a look to see what they is to see.

Tha Moose is Back

Tha moose has her name back granted by La Presidente herself. 

When you come to the Dark Den you will find her rolling her hot dog stand through the streets of Glint.  She has also opened the Cajun Kafe on mainstreet, updated the Road Kill Kafe, put the ballet school on the second floor of Road Kill Kafe, and opened the Hole in tha Wall bar.

For now she has put the taxi in storage as there seems to be motorized transportation available including a huge truck.  I wonder if anyone realizes that truck has the labels of the US ARMY?   If the army comes to claim the truck it could get ugly.

stay tuned

Pigfat Has A Male Nurse

Pigfat doing much better.  Prognosis has greatly improved and she is recovering nicely with the help of her nurse, Hans Groper

Pigfat is in a wheelchair because she still has difficulty walking,  however,  she is able to stand which is a good sign.  Her nurse has been giving her physical therapy treatments,  thought I do believe he is taking some liberties with our friend?  NO I am sure it is standard medical procedure!

Here her nurse has her standing and I must say that is good to see.

Oh well I'm not medical and I am sure he is helping her in many ways to recover from her ordeal with  that Sir Hamster person,  who so cruelly asked for her hand, married her, then promptly pulverized pigfat into ground pork.   Err i mean ground meat....Err well you know what I mean!

In the picture above, the nurse is loosening up pigfat's muscles and helping to stretch her skin now that the whip wounds have healed.  Yeah that's it!

OK now in this shot the nurse is, err, well not sure what he is doing but I am sure its standard medical procedure?  What ever it is pigfat does seem to be enjoying it.

 

Now in this procedure nurse Groper seems to be examining pigfats face?  Well he is doing something with her face and I am sure it is medically necessary.  We wouldn't want to spread a rumor that pigfat is playing around on her Hamster as that might lead to more senseless violence.

Yes the relationship is strictly professional.    All this contact is treatment, yes, its medically necessary,  standard procedure. 

That's my story and I am sticking to it!

Moose Released from Hospital Now Recovering at Womens Shelter

Pigfat in recovery at an undisclosed location for her protection.

Pigfat is not making statements at this time however she has been reunited with ther son, Alexander, at a womens shelter.  Meanwhile Marie Leveau is taking care of business at the Kajun Kafe on main street and the Road Kill Kafe and Beer Dillo.

We all wish pigfat (aka moose) a speedy recovery.

Too Horrific for Regular News Published Here Moose After the Attack

Here are pictures of the moose (aka pigfat) after attack from her brutal beating from her husband.

While moose recovers in a hospital,  in an undisclosed location for her protection, Marie Leveau will be handling her Road Kil Kafe and Beer Dillo.  In addition, since Marie is of cajun origin, she has opened a side walk cajun cafe on the main street of Glint.  Marie advises not to worry about little Alexander as she has him safe and well cared for while his mommy recovers.

Church Appears in Glint ITS A MIRICLE!

Emm I went yonder to my kafe and what did i find next door but this big ole church what they got.  I went inside to see what they is to see and report to ya.

This is me standing in front of the church what they got.  It has a big ole bell tower and a cross way up high.

Here is another shot what i took of the front of the place.

This here is a shot of the front of the church from tha other direction.  You can't see the bell from here but its still there and all.

Now here is a picture of the confessional what they got inside tha church.  I'm figuring they gonna be a long line waiting fur confession.  Hmm, now while they is waiting they ken be snackin on my road kill from the kafe next door!

Now this here is me at tha pulpit what they got?  Now I ain't preachin but i kinda pretended that they wuz a crowd in tha place and I wuz speachin to em.

Upstairs they got this balcony thing?  Well you ken stand out here and see all of lint!  Yep! Behind me you ken see tha ship in the harbor and sum trees.  You ken also see tha orange tent what Doc Tara and Sir Pry live in when they is here.

I reckon this here mattress is fur tha preacher after he had a long day of speachin and needed sum rest and such.

Ok now this is me lookin out tha window what they got in the bell tower.  You ken see my kafe next door.  I know this here is a shameless plug fur my Road Kill Kafe and Beer Dillo!!

As i sat there all alone in that church?  Ya know i didn't feel alone at all.  Reckon when you is in church you is never alone.